My sister got married back in the '80's. I remember her telling me that she asked her friends "What do you do with two incomes coming in?" This is a question that I have heard many times, usually from people who have just moved in together/got married. When my sister asked her friends, below are the types of responses she got.
A. It's great having two incomes coming in, you can afford to go to a restaurant every week!
B. We pay the mortgage out of his income and the bills and food shopping out of mine
C. We pretend that his wage is the only one coming in, and we save mine.
Within a few short years, her friends started having babies. A pattern started to emerge. I've always believed that humans are creatures of habit, we get used to life being a certain way. You would expect that Couple A who thought two incomes coming in was great and went out to restaurants and overseas holidays would find it a shock to suddenly be on one wage while one of the parents takes some time off work to look after a baby. It's a big job getting used to the changes a baby brings, without also having to totally change your spending habits and mindset! I used to work in a bank and saw many Couple A's go from being happily married to coming into the bank arguing about money and who spends what.
Couple B also may find they have to change their spending habits, especially if the wage that was paying the mortgage was only just covering the mortgage repayments! Now on one wage, they have to pay the mortgage and bills and food shopping.
I have often seen friends who operate their finances separately (in other words, he has his money and she has hers) also arguing over money when a baby comes along, if they drop down to one wage. I remember hearing one work colleague complaining that her husband still spent his money the same way he did before baby came along (creature of habit), while she not only was not earning an income, but her savings quickly dwindled as she was still paying bills and food expenses out of her savings and buying stuff for the baby. After some harsh words, they reached a new agreement over who pays for what, but she still had to return to work earlier than she planned to as she ran out of money. I remember this colleague explaining how disheartening it was to not have money to go out for a coffee with friends, and her husband not being used to give her any for such a luxury, complaining about having to do so while he still spent money on his cars the way he had always done.
Couple C - Now I remember my sister saying at the time that they were about the only ones of her friends who weren't arguing about money! Surprise, surprise?!?! They were used to being on one wage. Couple C paid all the bills, food shopping, mortgage repayment and spending money out of the husbands wage. The wife's wage went into the mortgage as an extra repayment, helping to pay off their home sooner.
My sister followed the example of Couple C, as did my husband and I when we first moved in together. We had about 5 years together before we got married, and another 2 before children came along. In the meantime, we pretended my wage didn't exist. By the time we bought a house we had saved a considerable amount, meaning we didn't have to borrow much. And certainly by the time children came along, our financial habits had set and didn't have to change much. We still had to proceed with caution, as with me not working for the first two and half years and then only working part time since then, it's harder to save without that second income. We have followed the model of Couple C now for 15 years and have gotten used to it. We don't stress whenever there is a mortgage interest rate rise, and we don't argue about money.
I'm not a professional financial advisor, but I urge you to consider your own circumstances before following anything I have advised here. Think about your spending personalities and which approach would be compatible to you and your partner. Think long term - you might not be buying a house or starting a family now, but will you be in the future? Set your financial habits early in your relationship as they are harder to change later on. Not everyone will be happy following the model of Couple C, but from my experience, it works really well.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
School holiday activities
My son started school this year, and the first term has just finished. He is the sort of kid who loves mental stimulation, so playing with toys is fun for awhile but only for so long before he starts wanting to use his brain again. So I made a bit of a list of possible activities for the school holidays. I had two things to consider when making this list other than the needs of my son: I also have a 2 year old daughter and still have my usual jobs to do (cooking, cleaning, etc). So here is my list:
Library school holiday program
Our local library offers an excellent school holiday program, with all sorts of activities, mostly free, to keep the kids entertained. Not all are suitable to my daughter or of interest to my son, but we will make use of the ones that tick the boxes for both kids. Alternatively, the library is still a good place to go even when the activities aren't on.
Make and play with playdough
Lately my son wants to make things in the kitchen. One of the things we made recently was playdough. He enjoyed making it and then both kids have enjoyed many hours playing with it. To make things interesting, make sure you have cookie cutters (or anything you can use to cut shapes out of) and possibly a rolling pin.
Go to the playground
We have loads of them near our house. Unfortunately some of them have fences around them as they are currently being upgraded, but there are still others to explore. It gets the kids outside and gives me an excuse to go for a walk and get some exercise.
Bake Biscuits.
We did this today with both kids. They enjoyed it as they got to mix the dough and cut out the biscuit shapes AND lick the bowl...but the best bit is eating the results.
Roller skating
My son did this at Vacation Care and really loved it, the only problem will be what to do with my daughter.
Bike Rides
This will be good for exercise, get the kids outside and also gives us the opportunity for my son to practice riding without training wheels.
Train rides
Big and little! Both kids love going on miniature train rides, but we could also select a destination and go on a real train for a day trip.
Tennis
We have a totem tennis pole that the kids love to play with. My son also does Tennis lessons during the school term, and the coach offers special classes during the holidays that we can access.
Go camping
A family favourite. Pack up the camper trailer and head off somewhere. The kids have NaturePlay SA Passports which they will enjoy finding activities they can do while camping.
Arts and crafts
Painting, colouring in, drawing...all favourites of both kids. My tip is to have plenty of scrap paper on hand for these projects and save the good paper for artwork that will be sent to the grandparents!
Games
This one is a bit difficult to do with the age difference between my kids at the moment. Board games are a good way to practice maths, reading and spelling skills while having some fun. A good indoors activity for rainy days.
Plant a vegie garden for Winter
There's a theory that kids who have their own vegie garden will eat what they produce. I can tell you it doesn't work, at least not for my son. However, he does love having his own vegie garden, so we will be pulling out the summer crop and putting in the winter vegies over the holidays.
Garden gnomes
I've not done this before but am considering getting some unfinished garden gnomes and paints and letting the kids go for it!
Movies
Another bad weather & stay indoors activity. Let the kids watch a movie, make some popcorn and relax for a bit. A good one also for kids that are tired at the end of an 11 week school term!
Of course, there will be a few playdates with friends during this two weeks. My son is also booked into Vacation Care on the days that I'm working. There's a bit to chose from here, so hopefully I won't get too many "I'm bored" comments!
Library school holiday program
Our local library offers an excellent school holiday program, with all sorts of activities, mostly free, to keep the kids entertained. Not all are suitable to my daughter or of interest to my son, but we will make use of the ones that tick the boxes for both kids. Alternatively, the library is still a good place to go even when the activities aren't on.
Make and play with playdough
Lately my son wants to make things in the kitchen. One of the things we made recently was playdough. He enjoyed making it and then both kids have enjoyed many hours playing with it. To make things interesting, make sure you have cookie cutters (or anything you can use to cut shapes out of) and possibly a rolling pin.
Go to the playground
We have loads of them near our house. Unfortunately some of them have fences around them as they are currently being upgraded, but there are still others to explore. It gets the kids outside and gives me an excuse to go for a walk and get some exercise.
Bake Biscuits.
We did this today with both kids. They enjoyed it as they got to mix the dough and cut out the biscuit shapes AND lick the bowl...but the best bit is eating the results.
Roller skating
My son did this at Vacation Care and really loved it, the only problem will be what to do with my daughter.
Bike Rides
This will be good for exercise, get the kids outside and also gives us the opportunity for my son to practice riding without training wheels.
Train rides
Big and little! Both kids love going on miniature train rides, but we could also select a destination and go on a real train for a day trip.
Tennis
We have a totem tennis pole that the kids love to play with. My son also does Tennis lessons during the school term, and the coach offers special classes during the holidays that we can access.
Go camping
A family favourite. Pack up the camper trailer and head off somewhere. The kids have NaturePlay SA Passports which they will enjoy finding activities they can do while camping.
Arts and crafts
Painting, colouring in, drawing...all favourites of both kids. My tip is to have plenty of scrap paper on hand for these projects and save the good paper for artwork that will be sent to the grandparents!
Games
This one is a bit difficult to do with the age difference between my kids at the moment. Board games are a good way to practice maths, reading and spelling skills while having some fun. A good indoors activity for rainy days.
Plant a vegie garden for Winter
There's a theory that kids who have their own vegie garden will eat what they produce. I can tell you it doesn't work, at least not for my son. However, he does love having his own vegie garden, so we will be pulling out the summer crop and putting in the winter vegies over the holidays.
Garden gnomes
I've not done this before but am considering getting some unfinished garden gnomes and paints and letting the kids go for it!
Movies
Another bad weather & stay indoors activity. Let the kids watch a movie, make some popcorn and relax for a bit. A good one also for kids that are tired at the end of an 11 week school term!
Of course, there will be a few playdates with friends during this two weeks. My son is also booked into Vacation Care on the days that I'm working. There's a bit to chose from here, so hopefully I won't get too many "I'm bored" comments!
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